I literally just talk like this
last modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago
I really do. It's not a joke. I don't know why I do, but it's just how writing comes out of my hands when I press them against the keyboard. I think it's because I find it funny. I talk like this because it makes me laugh, or at least smile; it brings joy to my life to sound deranged. I like expressing myself in this way. There's something kind of fun about being overly formal, and something very funny about breaking out of it at random intervals.
I don't talk like this out loud, mind you. I talk like a normal person out loud. But this blog isn't really for me to talk; it's for me to write. If I wanted to speak, I would probably be a streamer, which I'm not (even though I'd be great at it) because it'd be really bad for my peace of mind and mental stability. So I write stuff down instead, and when I write it down, sometimes it comes out like this. Not all the time, but when I'm feeling like it. You know?
I have autism lowkey and it is funny to have a register that sounds like mine. Sometimes I just say things and they don't make any particular sort of sense. I don't think this is wrong, necessarily. I have this nagging feeling, or better yet this stubborn hope, that if I say enough nonsense then one day I'll be able to figure out how to say coherent things.
I do kind of talk like the famous mad russian rat that translated Pathologic to english1. Or like his preteen nephew maybe. I feel like that's fine? I haven't gotten complaints yet. I'll probably get some, someday, and I'm not sure how I'll respond. I'd rather you don't complain, actually. I know my prose looks Like That, but it looks Like That as an act of honesty. This is just sort of how everything feels. What can I say...?
I'm not necessarily super-duper serious when I talk like this. There's comedy here and you're not wrong for seeing it. I'm kind of putting on a funny hat. It doesn't mean I'm not sincere. I am simultaneously kind of taking the piss and also being completely honest, and this is because I am expressing myself: I feel playful and silly and goofy very often and this tone, I hope, communicates it. I like to say and imagine fun and silly things, and I like to make other people laugh or smile or at least feel confused. If I can elicit a baffled eyebrow raise and a quick snort out of one reader, then my mission is fulfilled. You can sound off on my inbox if this is the case.
And I also think there's something musical to my tone. Isn't there? A little bit of a swing in the letters. I don't know what metric is and I'm too scared to ask, but you can attempt to measure it; when I think I can hear my thoughts, podcast-style, and sometimes I write in sing-song. Maybe you can hear it too, or maybe you can't. Either's essentially fine.
This post was prompted by nothing but my own awkward feelings over the subject matter, so don't worry. Sometimes you're just kind of self aware of things you're not gonna stop doing anyways. I think? I think this is true. You can let me know.
And as always,
Thanks for reading!
P. S.: I'm just like him, for real.
Referencing a youtube video essay by the channel Hbomberguy where he jokes that the videogame Pathologic was translated by some kind of mad russian wizard rat, as a way of expressing the fact that the game's text is written in an incredibly confusing way even in the original russian, and that the translation to english, which was not a little bit botched, made it very much worse. I'm too lazy to link you and give you timestamps though. Sorry.↩